Go Comedy in Ferndale

Last weekend was a laugh riot. A group of friends went to Go Comedy in Ferndale on Saturday night with some free passes we scored from our neighbor whose son is partial owner of the club. What I expected was a lineup of stand-up comedy acts but what I got was much better. Go Comedy is actually an improv venue that not only offers performances but an improv theater school where budding comedians go to cut their teeth and beef up their chops on their way to super-SNL stardom (ok maybe Second City stardom).

We witnessed the comedy group "Internet Sensations" take on some frat guys (seriously they chugged beer on stage in letterman jackets). The "Sensations" were no match as they worked their way through short improv games and competitions like Inuendo where every line has to start with "I like my men like I like my..." The points don't matter but in the end I think the dudes took the competition. The crowd even got involved a bit as the MC of the show uses bits from the suggestion cards you fill out before the show. All in all it was a great time with lots of laughs. Plus there was even a free improv show called "Dark Matter" after the 10pm show. Not as good but a nice extra. Thanks Go Comedy we will be back!

Bars or match.com?

Last Saturday night my fiance and I visited Kalamazoo to celebrate the engagement of some friends.  We stayed at my old college roommates apartment, which by the way is sweet.  

He has a really nice flat screen LCD/Plasma/720i? whatever type of TV it is it's nice.  There is always beer in the fridge there, this weekend the beer of choice was Miller High Life Light, because he's always counting calories.  Down the hallway of his apartment is the bathroom and the bedroom and an office/extra bedroom.  But the extra bedroom is NOT being used as an office or extra bedroom.  Instead it is the beer pong room.

Any beer pong room, including the one at my buddy's place, has in it a plastic sheet that covers the floor.  Not only does it keep the floor dry, but may be the only thing that helps you get your security deposit on the apartment back.  In the center of the room is the table.  The table consists of a desk or kitchen table topped with a large piece of plywood you can get from your local Lowe's store.  Decorating the plywood are numerous sayings, quotes, and revelations that reflect personalities of all those who have played on the table.  Sharpie's are always on hand in order for guests to express their opinions and inner artists when they please.  Last but not least the rules to beer pong are written on the board.

It seems as though every house/beer pong table has their own rules.  My buddy's rules are simple and I think probably the most enjoyable.

1. No blowing (except girls.  This refers to blowing in a cup of beer in order to make the ball that is spinning around the rim come out.)

2. Rerack at 3.  (Each team starts with 6 cups.  When three have been made the team must rerack their cups to make another triangle.)

3. Make two... bring it back (If both players make a ball into a cup in one turn they get both balls back to shoot again.)

4. Bounce is worth two cups (The ball must bounce on the table and then go into a cup.  This does not count as making two cups, see rule #3)

5. You may block a bounced shot.

6. Redemption rule (Both players on the losing team get a last chance shot to make as many cups as they can.  If you make it you keep going.)

These are all the rules I can think of.  If you have any others I would love to hear about them as I am always trying to improve my knowledge of beer pong and those that play it.  

On with the night...

We go to a bar called Shakespeare's in downtown Kalamazoo.  The same place where I participated in the ABC's of shots (see blog post "The story of the Insecure George")  This bar is probably the best one in Kalamazoo unless you like craft beers (Then I would suggest Bell's Brewery).

When we get there we get a table and sit down to start the night.  I am drinking Labatt Light (watching the figure you know.)  Not too long after we order some food (they have THE best nachos EVER,) two of my friends ask for the trivia game consoles.  We proceed to select hilarious/inappropriate names (one of them is "Boats" and the other is "N Hoes")  

After tearing up the trivia and helping them take over the top spots in the bar I take one of my fellow tennis pro friends to the other side of the bar and make him talk to some girls.  I ask the first girl that walks by if she knows my friend.  She says yes and keeps walking.  The next group that walks in I ask if they know my friend.  She... says... no,  and actually starts talking to him... and to us.  Turns out she is from Hawaii, going to school at the local public university, has a model cousin that lives in Italy and has a couple friends with her.

At first she doesn't believe that my buddy is a tennis pro.  Then one of my other friends buys her a drink.  Then I hear something about a boyfriend from one of her friends who are now over talking to all of us.  The girls tell us they have never been to this bar before and start talking about going to another bar... which just happens to have a mechanical bull.

I leave my buddies to work their magic and one ends of going with them to the "Bull."  I still need to catch up with him on what happened.  

At the end of the night we take a cab back to my buddy's apartment and are getting ready to go in when I pack a perfect snowball and hurl it at the cab that just dropped us off and is now driving away.  The cab stops, the guy gets out, and puts his hands in the air as to say, "I just dropped you idiots off, you gave me a lousy tip, and then you throw a snow ball at my cab.  What gives?"  I admit it was a mistake and a bad idea.

This night is a good example that you can still meet nice people at the bar.  I am not a believer in internet dating and hope my friends are able to find someone like I have without having to fill out a match.com profile.  All it takes is a dim lit bar and a lot of beer.

A night in Chicago

I was in Chicago with my roommate visiting some friends and staying with them for the night and going out to a "free drink party" at a local Chicago bar.  

First of all I love the idea of the free drink party.  Basically, for an hour or two the bar offers all patrons free drinks to get you so drunk that you won't possibly be let in to any other bar and will likely spend your night emptying your wallet at their bar or throwing up in their bathroom or sidewalk out front.

We arrive at our friend's apartment and immediately go to the liquor store.  We come back with too much beer, too much rum and not enough Coke.  We pop the tops and start in while watching the Britney Spears movie "Crossroads."  Color commentary starts flowing like diarrhea from our mouths, the movie deserves it.

We decide to head to the free drink party and leave the apartment to get a cab or walk to the bar, I can't remember.  

We get to the free drink party and the bar is packed.  It is impossible to get to the bar to order drinks, which totally diminishes the fun of the free drinks.  

I finally make it to the bar and wave the bartendress over.  I hand her $40 and tell her that every time she sees me at the bar I want her to come over and serve me immediately.  

It works!

Soon the party gets rocking, we all have drinks, and I am performing Flashdance.

I was told the next day that we ended up leaving this bar and going to another in a cab, but to me it was all the same place.

When we get to the next bar my roommate is not allowed in, the free drink party succeeded.  He gets angry and decides he will sprint from the entrance of the new bar as quickly as he can.  I catch up with him and headlock him to make sure he stays.  

He promises not to run if I let go.  I let go, he pauses for a moment, and runs.  I give up and head back to the bar.

The next thing I remember is hailing a cab by myself, telling the cab driver the address of the apartment we were staying at and arriving at the apartment by myself.

The front door is locked and I do not have a key so I go around back, like any predator/robber would and scale an 11 foot iron fence, climb the back fire escape a al spiderman, and start kicking the back door of the apartment fireman style.  

I awake my freind's roommate who comes to the door and lets me in.  Ten minutes later my friend and the rest of the party return.  Five minutes later the police/security/rent-a-cops show up and want to arrest me, claiming I am an intruder.  My friend tells them I got locked out and everything is ok.  I go to bed not knowing where my 100 meter dash champion of a roommate is.

The next morning I get a call from my roommate that says he is at a different friend's apartment in Chicago.  He had run until he did not recognize any of the street names and then called this friend who came and picked him up.  

He gets dropped off at the apartment and we walk what seems like 5 miles to Jamba juice.

On the way home we think of starting a funny t-shirt business that we want to start.  A few examples of our best ideas...

"Alcohol saved my life."

"I cut down people, not trees."

A sleeveless shirt that says, "No sleeves, no problem."

A shirt for our friend in the Navy, "Seaman."

"Smoking... to die for!"

There were more but those are the best ones I remember.  I know there are a million online t shirt stores, but this idea was gold at the time.  Have any funny t shirt ideas, let me know!

The story of the "Insecure George"

It was a cold wintry night in February.  Two of my college buddies were in town and we headed to a bar in downtown Kalamazoo with two, maybe three girls, I can't remember.  I do know that one of them used to be a cheerleader for the Miami Heat.

We get to the bar and the girls immediately find a bar tender they know and start getting free drinks.  My buddies and I decide we will stop being idiots by getting the girls to get the bartender they know to get us free shots.  

We start doing shots.

We start playing the alphabet shot game - Start with a shot whose name begins with A.  End with a shot that begins with Z.

We start skipping around the alphabet because we can't think of shots that begin with certain letters.  

We get to "I" or "G".  I don't know.

The word "insecure" comes up and the bar tender starts to make these shots.  My friends instantly look at me and decide that we should add my name to the end of the shot.  

The "insecure George" shot is born.  Ingredients include vodka, Kahlua, Frangelica, and Buttershots.  Thanks to the bar tender for his creativity and the free shots. We continue to skip around the alphabet.

As the night goes on I end up giving my business card out to a girl, it starts snowing heavily, and we choose one of the girls to drive us home.  I get a call 10 minutes after the bar closes from the girl I gave my card to and I hang up on her.  She leaves a desperate message on my voicemail which I delete.  Needless to say we crash in to a street sign in my buddies car, the girl goes nuts and my other buddy drives us back to their place.  

An all around good night, the birth of the shot, a car accident and a great story to tell when you get toasted.  

Now every time we go out we try to get the bartender/-tendress to make us an Insecure George to remember the good times and you should too... hold the car accident please.

The Tar Pit (new alcoholic beverage)

At a holiday party late last December I was witness to the birth of a new shot.  This drink is not only fun to drink, but also fun to make.  It was invented by a couples buddies of mine and taste first-hand by me, and I loved it.

It starts with a generous portion of red wine (because we like our shots sophisticated).  It then continues with an equal portion of vodka (any vodka will do, we're in a recession).  After that add enough sprite so that bubbles come to the surface.  It finishes with a sprinkle of the chocolate dust that you put on the rim of chocolate martinis.

Now put that cup down and enjoy the show.  The sprite bubbles up but is not able to escape because of the think chocolate layer that floats on top.  This causes the chocolate to form bubbles on top of the drink making it resemble a tar pit, hence the name.

Now I know what you're thinking.  Who do you hang out with and how can I hang out with you guys?  Come to Royal Oak and we'll show you a good time, drink too much, and maybe name a shot after you!

New Movie Idea

I hope you have all seen a Christopher Guest movie.  These movies include Spinal Tap, Best in Show, and A Mighty Wind.  They examine the hilarity that occurs in everyday life with a sort of embarrassing sadness to it.  The themes are simple, an aging rock band on a tour, a dog show or a folk tribute.  Most of the scenes are interviews of the characters where they describe their past of some aspect of their life.  These interviews are mostly ad libs by the actors or a prepared dialogue that they came up without a script.  I have a new idea for Christopher Guest and if you are reading this please bare with me

Rodeo cowboys are thrill seeking tough guys.  The last of a dying breed.  They don't ride bucking horses and bulls because they like to, they ride because they have to.  It's in their blood.  It's part of their heritage.  They are the stars of any rodeo.  But who protects these preservers of the old west?  That's right, the rodeo clown. 

With what seems like reckless abandon these clowns throw themselves in front of bucking bulls and broncos in what seems like a thankless job to keep our prized cowboys from being stepped on or gored.  Yet they do it with a flare that makes thousands of fans smirk, smile and laugh out loud.  They take our mind off the fact that there is a wild animal inside the ring and that has a rope around its privates and will stop at nothing to get it off.  

Cowboys try to stay on for 8 seconds.  Rodeo clowns have to be "on" their game for the duration of the rodeo.  Cowboys go out for a beer after the rodeo and may end up getting lucky with Lucy Lou from Omaha while the clowns go home, lick their wounds and prepare for the next rodeo.  In this highly competitive professional one has to be ready to fly across the country to clown a rodeo in a second.  

From the small time to the majors.  From Calgary to Cheyenne.  This mockumentary follows rodeo clowns new and old through a season on the rodeo tour.  We find out what it takes to become the best and why these "cross dressing guardian angels in make-up" do what they do, day in and day out.

Mr. Guest.  Please contact me if you would like to help make this dream of mine a reality.  I would very much like to find out what it is like to make a movie like this.  If not, at least admit that it's a good idea.

40oz koozy dream is dead

As you know, as early as October 2008, I had come up with the idea for an koozy for 40oz malt beverages.  Not only would they keep your Colt 45 cold to the last drop they would also allow you to express your unique personality.  

Well the word is out folks, someone has beat me to the punch.  The 40oz koozy is now available at www.40ozmaltliquor.com .  Now you too can be the center of attention at your next Edward 40 Hands party with these rad accessories!  They are pretty reasonably priced as well with the average koozie going for about $7.  I have not ordered my own...yet. 

It seems that there are others out there that appreciate entrepreneurial awesomeness.

Lock it up... with friends only

Say you are out with some friends and one of your friends (most likely a girl) has brought a new friend with her (most likely a guy).  When they first come in she probably introduces him and he smiles, nods and shakes all the other dudes hands.  I understand that it is good manners to shake hands and introduce myself so I do most of the time, unless there is a huge table between us or I'm in the middle of an intense game of darts, shuffleboard, pool, etc.   

Here is where I get confused.  At the end of the night, or when your friend and her new "boyfriend" leave I will usually shake hands again, say nice to meet you and the like.  But almost always when we shake, the other person wants to lock it up with me or give me the rock too or some other thing that's more than shaking hands.  Usually I break free of these add ons early and pretend that nothing happened.  I mean I just had a few beers with this guy standing around and probably didn't say much to him other than I liked his very fashionable scarf, and now he expects me to lock it up with him like we were college roommates.  Hold the phone!

I may be off on this one but I reserve the lock up, the blow up and the rock for very few close friends.  

So next time you are out and about meeting new people don't be bullied into locking it up, blowing it up or giving the rock to someone you don't know deserves it.  Because if you do there is an uneasy feeling that comes over you like when you stole the tap at that party... don't act like you've never tried to.

See Road House!

First of all this movie takes you back to the golden years of P. Swayze.  Not only is he totally cut in this movie, but with lines like "pain don't hurt" and "it's gonna get worse before it gets better" this movie is very quotable.  Also there are some unrealistic fight scenes for the dudes and some love scenes for the chicks.

Dalton (Swayze) is the new bouncer in town working for the notorious Double Deuce bar on the outside of town.  He's planning on cleaning up the bar that is known for dangerous fights and all sorts of illegal activity.  The only person standing in his way is Brad Wesley and his gang of goons who will stop at nothing to get Dalton out of town.  When Dalton's love interest, the doctor, gets pulled in to the mix he realizes that the town isn't big enough for both him and Wesley.

A great story set in a small town bar and surrounding areas with some really great fight and love scenes in and out of the bar, Road House has something for everyone.  You can often find Road House playing weekend afternoons on TBS or AMC or you can usually find the DVD in the $4.99 bin at your local Best Buy, Borders or FYE.

ENJOY!  And remember you too can be a bouncer, you just have to follow three simple rules (watch the movie).